lucky girl

Where to start?
Since yesterday I'm back in Holland, so I could update this weblog with many sad stories about being back in Holland, missing Taylor and my freedom, wishing I was in Thailand, difficulties with realizing that I'm really here instead of the other side of the world and difficulties with accepting that this was really it... It's just the way I feel.
On the other hand, by doing so, it means that you'll miss the great stories and beautiful photos of my last days in Thailand. Something I really want to put on this weblog, but is somehow difficult to talk about as I'm not really feeling that way. Let's give it a try...

Our last day on Ko Phagnan, in our small but very pretty resort, we spend on the beach. Lovely beach, sun was shining and we did nothing then playing around, having fun, eating our last cheese, crackers with sandwichspread and Rambutan fruits from the evening before. We also did some cooling down in the beautiful swimmingpool, next to the beach and sea. Life is difficult! However, we did do some exercises, as Taylor learned me some basics and turns from Salsa on the beach. This was great fun! I want to learn Salsa already for such a long time, but on Fuerteventura I didn't had the chance, and now I was learning it in the best way I could ever dreamt of.... Just the 2 of us on the beach, in the white sand, under the burning sun, the sea just a few steps behind me, wearing my bikinis and Taylor as my teacher.... This was like a dream!
The same evening we did some more dancing as we were part of this Alice in Wonderland Jungle Experience. For us no Full Moon Party at Ko Phagnan, but this was absolutely fantastic as well. The Jungle Experience is this party on 30 minutes walking distance of Baan Tai somewhere in, you guess, the jungle. This small open area in the forest filled with strange kind of dance music, glow in the dark mushrooms everywhere (do not mix them up with the tripping ones, although I'm sure that they were easy to get there as well), blacklights combined with glow in the dark drawings, lounge huts and hammicks was the perfect spot for a party that made us feel like we were part of Alice in Wonderland.... After relaxing for a long time in one of the huts we decided to do some dancing as well, before we walked the long way back home. I realized that I was ready for an evening of party and dancing and this was such a great surprise!
The walk towards the party and back didn't feel like a punishment by the way, as it was almost full moon, so this moon was ligthning everything around us, for example the big palmtrees next to us, which gave it a mysterious look.

The next morning we took the boat to Ko Samui to spend our last night and we treated ourselves on the best resort we've ever been to, the Peace Resort in Bo Phut. Just opened that same morning, so our bungalow smelled brand new.... Like Taylor was saying, this felt like some kind of honeymoon resort! Our bungalow was just wonderfull, no words, with big bed, minibar, TV, veranda, huge bathroom with bath... The design and furnitures gave it such a luxerious look, wow! We bought some wine and candles for taking a bath that evening and went for a dive in the more than beautiful swimmingpool. Combined with a nice cocktail, this was like a dream.... We went out for dinner as we were celebrating my birthday and I tasted some shark from Taylor, which was so tastefull! And then.... hot bath, candles, music, some nice Thai red wine and chocolate.... Am I dreaming or?

The next day we headed for Bangkok where I would have my flight back home the same night. This really felt like final for me. So strange to be back in the city where I started 6 weeks ago... All those memories, by then I had no idea what to expect, I was so curious and now I knew. I took Taylor to this nice guesthouse that a colleague of mine recommended and from there on we spend our last hours together. Walking around on Khao San Road, drinking a coffee at Starbucks in memorial of my coffees over there with Tina and Robin and later that night we met Jacco for a lovely street food Pad Thai and a drink in Hippie de Bar where I celebrated New Years Eve with him and Han. This was it, the end of my trip....

Saying goodbye to Taylor was more than difficult, even now writing about it, makes me sad and I feel the pain again. It was so sweet of him that he accompanied me to the airport as it was a very late fligt (2.30 am) and we were both soooo tired.
As we were trying to stay together as long as possible, I almost missed my flight, sorry mum and dad ;-)
Boarding started at 2 am, I went to customs at 2, at that moment many customs were closing down, just 2 left and big queues in front of them. This went so slowly.... I got nerveous! I passed customs at 2.10 and started to run like crazy! Of course I wanted to miss my flight to stay with Taylor, but some part of me didn't want to miss this flight either :-D
Well, let's say I was lucky, because the fligt left at 3.15 am instead of 45 minutes earlier...

And here I am... It's Sunday morning, still very early, but I woke up at 6.45 am (after a good night of sleep of 11 hours) and couldn't sleep anymore. Strange to be back, my own stuff around me, don't know what to wear as I prefer my backpack outfit, still thinking in english as for 2 weeks that was the only language that I spoke. Summing this up makes me realize that I feel 'homesick' as I always have been, even when I was a little child, I always wanted to go back where I came from (abroad!). New adventures, new experiences...

Although I can't say I feel really happy right now, I have to admit that I had the trip of my life, this was what I wanted to do for many years already and now I just did it!!! On my own, backpacking, no planning, just living by the day.... After so many years I finally followed my feeling, nothing anymore that I wanted to withheld me from that. I'm proud of myself as this trip was one big practical exercise from my courses I followed last summer. I'm a lucky girl.... Even with this feeling of missing somebody very badly, I still consider myself as very lucky that I can miss somebody like this. It means that it was as a dream came true.

For Taylor this final note and I don't care that everyone can read this :-) I miss you so much, you know. You're in my thoughts the whole time. Just make this trip your once in a life time experience! I'll be waiting for you in Amsterdam to hear everything about it and to close you in my arms again. Go for it! Kus ;-)